By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
