Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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