I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
