Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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