my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
