afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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