your thong is hanging out like whoa
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
