I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
