He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
