I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
