Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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