I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
