she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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