So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
