as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
