Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
