I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
