just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
