I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
