did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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