i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
