I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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