thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
