I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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