is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
