i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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