you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
