We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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