lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
