Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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