Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
