Little spoons don't ask big questions
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
