Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
