airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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