Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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