somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
