So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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