Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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