Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
