Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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