We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
