Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
