You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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