Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
