Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
