So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
