WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
