$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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