When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
