a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
