I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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